Flash Fiction: Fat Boys

Posted: March 2, 2013 in Scribble
Tags: , , , , ,

I wrote this story a long time ago and I tried to get it published in some website or anthology. One of the editors told me she enjoyed it but the other one said it was offensive because of the mentioning of two fat boys. Obviously, it was rejected. I would most likely turn this into a comic under the Dark Nights, Dreadful Days collection. Hope you relish this horrific jest. Dedicated to all the fat boys I loved before.

***

Fat Boys

By Julya Oui

“Hey, Brian.” He waved to his friend who was sitting by the café window ogling at the girls through his glasses.

“Hey.” Ian slapped his friend’s back when he climbed on the bar stool to join him.

“Did you hear about Mellan?” Ian asked.

“No, what happened?”

“He disappeared!” He flicked opened his fingers on both hands as if they were fireworks. “Vanished! Wiped out of the face of the earth!”

“Oh, stop exaggerating. He just probably ran away from home.” Brian shrugged it off as another college gossip and continued leering at the passing girls with something to satiate his diminutive eyes.

“I don’t think so. He’s too old to run away from home and he’s too young to want to be out there on his own.” Ian exclaimed and signaled the waiter to get his order. “There’s a rumor going around though.”

“What about?”

“About Lavinia.” He turned to the waiter who was approaching them. “Latte with extra cream.”

“What about her?”

“She—“

The waiter took out his pencil to scribble on the pad and asked, “Anything else?”

“No.”

The waiter rolled his eyes up and marched off.

And Ian followed up his conversation with Brian. “They say she’s the reason he disappeared.”

“Why do they say that?” Brian furrowed his brows to catch the sinister story between his eyes.

“Because Mellan was dating her.”

“So that makes her guilty?” Brian looked at his friend.

“He’s not the first,” Ian whispered. “They say she looks for boys with similar features.”

“Similar features? What kind of similar features?”

“They’re either fat or chubby and they all wear glasses.”

There was a pause between them when they looked at the mirror image of each other.

“And?”

“And … she changes boyfriends like she changes her mood swings.”

Brian shrugged and sniggered. “Wow. She’s a fast one. Is she ugly or what?”

“On the contrary. I heard she’s gorgeous, small and petite. Like a fox! And she’s a vegan.”

“So she likes rounder guys huh?”

“Hell, if I know that’s true. Maybe she likes them meaty.” Ian exaggerated the expression once again by squaring out his arms to emphasize the body shape. He didn’t have to amplify himself very much since he already fitted the bill quite generously. “I hear she likes to call them teddies.”

“She must like bears.”

“But they disappear after she dumps them.”

“Maybe the guys lost their manhood after they lose her.” They both guffawed joyfully although they didn’t think the comment was funny.

“So the rumor goes that she murdered them.”

“A puny girl like her?”

“Some say she ate them.”

“Urgh. Where do these rumors come from anyway?”

The waiter interrupted them to bring Ian his drink and they hushed up for a moment. After the scrawny and peeved server left them abruptly they continued digging into the delicious discussion.

“Others say she uses their body for black magic to keep herself young.”

“What? She bathes is guy’s fats?”

Ian ignored him to complete his string of theories. “There’s another theory that says she drinks their blood because she is a vampire.” Ian was flourishing on the story telling and he didn’t want to stop.

“So that’s why she chooses them fat?”

“Maybe. I hear she likes torturing them too.”

“Where do you get all these information?” Brian was now more excited than Ian.

“Here and there.”

“It doesn’t even sound possible. Or plausible.”

“I hear she’s looking for a new boyfriend.”

“Is that so?”

They mulled over the fact in silence.

“You’re fat,” Ian said finally.

“So are you,” Brian replied.

“You want to prove everyone wrong?”

“Why me? Why don’t you do it?”

“I think I just might.”

Brian protested. “What if all the rumors were true?”

“Get killed by a gorgeous babe? Why not?”

“You’re serious?”

“Like the desert miss the rain.”

“You’re mad.”

Ian stopped him to ask. “Have you ever had a gorgeous girlfriend before?”

Brian shrugged indifferently. “No…”

“Have you ever had a girlfriend?”

“What are you getting at?”

“My point is. Would you rather be loved to death or live forever and never be loved by a vegan fox?”

“But that’s not even love.”

“It’s close.”

“Are you sure she’s worth it?” Brian shifted nervously about in his seat.

“If you’ve seen her, you would never look at another girl with your naked eyes again.” Ian threw his fingers apart to reinforce the wow factor. “That’s what they say.”

“You’re making me really curious.” Brian sipped his drink and tapped his fingers on the table lightly. “What about you? Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Yes. Once. But it’s the kind of history you want to bury with the crime you committed in your childhood.”

“What if one of us does get on with her and then disappear before we could do anything about it?

“I guess it’s just too bad.”

“I don’t want to die … at least not yet.”

“The pleasure, think of the pleasure.”

“Of being tortured?”

“Maybe. Maybe not.”

“Well, let’s go get drunk and think about it. At least we’ll be high either way.”

Brian clasped his friend’s back. “True, true.”

“May the best man win!” Ian raised his cup to clink with Brian’s.

“Salute.”

“And come out alive.”

“Imagine being sucked by a gorgeous female vampire.”

“Or chopped into pieces by a sexy butcher.”

“Or jabbed like a pin cushion by a voluptuous witch.”

“Or get our lard oozed all over her sensuous body.”

“Man, we’d better go for that drink before I OD on the illusion,” Brian shuddered.

“Imagine her pouty lips on your skin, your flesh…”

“Stop it numbnuts. I need a cold shower.”

“Me too. Better go drown ourselves in it.”

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Comments
  1. averythorne says:

    Ha, please, this isn’t offensive. It’s hilarious! So what if the kids are fat? I mean, mentioning that the kids are fat is NOT offensive. It’s actually more offensive to reject a story BECAUSE the characters are fat. Silly editors. Silly, silly.

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